Testifying

Hiking at Santa Rosa Plateau with Grandma & Grandpa

***TODAY'S BLOG ADDRESSES INTENSE SUBJECT MATTER.

READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.***

March 29, 2009
Acts 20:24
"I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me -- the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace."

I planned on posting on our family hike to Santa Margarita Reserve yesterday. Tip-toeing into the cold river and wading to the shade for our picnic stirred up memories of the Kern River. I wanted to join the dot-to-dots together and weave my childhood stories into my life story in a meaningful way. But I logged on and here was the Scripture for the day. Combined with a tough day at church, I am compelled to write a new blog. I can't help myself. It is the task set before me.

I need to review first. If you have been following this blog from the beginning, you remember that I am writing it for my children. I want them to "know" their Uncle through my stories. But I understand that there are other people following this blog, reading Bryan's story and meeting a "new" Bryan, a side of him you may not have known personally. Some of you are meeting Bryan here for the first time because you did not know him while he breathed. I am not being presumptuous; I am making these comments because others have shared with me these very remarks. If I were writing this ONLY for my children, I would not add this post today. Because we have spent the last three months talking about its subject when we sit at home, when we walk along, when we lie down and when we get up. I have been impressing the importance of this message on my children's hearts in the best way I know how. And praying for God to fill in all my gaps and over all my weaknesses. But they are not the only ones reading here today. This blog is for someone else. Maybe it is you?

My brother's sudden death made this topic of utmost relevance in my life today and the days surrounding his death. Really, I feel like this very pressing matter is THE paramount matter. I shared the same words with my brother many times in our adult lives. We had this conversation many times. The outcome of those discussions is the reason for my hope for Bryan. That he is in Heaven with Jesus enjoying an eternity with no more tears or suffering or anguish. My hope is in the gospel of God's grace.

It is by grace that Bryan was saved from an eternity separated from God. It was not of himself, so that he could not boast in anything he had done or said. It was the free gift of salvation. It was not because Bryan was a good man (though he was) or that he lived a good life (because for the most part he did, just like you and me) that I have this hope for him. I have this assurance because of Christ's work of mercy and grace on the cross on his behalf. Not because I believe my brother had that whole christian life figured out. His death proves that he did not. But then neither did that famous thief on the cross beside Jesus. And he was promised paradise for simply believing and confessing with his mouth who Jesus is.

I asked Bryan over and over again if he believed on the Name of Jesus. And he confessed with his mouth that he did. He loved and believed in Jesus. He truly wanted to be like Him. And as simple as that sounds, as unbelievably uncomplicated as that seems to be, that is absolutely the only thing the Bible requires for someone to be saved. Bryan could not earn his place in Heaven. Just like I couldn't. It was a free gift. And even though Bryan struggled to live a life of freedom from sin (as I do), he believed on the Name of the Lord Jesus.

In the days surrounding Bryan's death, I struggled with reconciling that knowledge with the circumstances surrounding his death. I think others would call it a "crisis of faith". The aftermath of that crossroad has not been fraught with fallout and blight. Instead the outcome has been increase and strength. My faith is deeper and wider than it has ever been before. In some way, I understand grace and the free gift of salvation in the sweet way that reminds me of how I believed when I first became a follower of Jesus as a teenager.

A few weeks ago I spent hours pouring over the coroner's report of my only sibling's death. It was awful and unbelievable and surprising. Many of you believe, like our family did at the beginning, that Bryan died as a result of alcohol poisoning. That is what the detective on the case suggested to my parents after considering her interpretation of the scene. But Bryan's autopsy revealed that there was absolutely no alcohol or drugs in his system. He was sober at the moment of his death. His body had given up its struggle against the hard living and poor health choices that Bryan inflicted upon it. His days were numbered by his Maker and December 14 was the day appointed for his last breath.

All the prayers and tears and begging and pleading done by my family on Bryan's behalf were answered in that single moment. Bryan went home to the Place he was made for, to join the Person he was made for. Free at last. Delivered from the sin that so easily entangles. Healed and whole. In that moment, everything was complete. I feel certain that Bryan does not have any questions like, "Why?" or "How come it had to be this way?". Questions we are plagued with as we are still here aching over our loss. Bryan sees clearly now whereas when he was here on earth, he only saw in part. Everything Bryan was made for, what he was created to be, whole and strong and beautiful and glorious, he WAS in that moment just after he breathed his last. And he was sober.

I was made to testify of the gospel of God's grace. In order for me to finish the race well and complete the task that God has set before me, I feel the need to ask you the same questions that I asked my brother, the same questions that I discuss with my children over and over again: If today was the last day of your life, do you KNOW without a shadow of doubt that your home for eternity will be Heaven with Jesus? And WHY do you believe that?

The answer to the second question is as important as the first. "Because I am an American", for instance, would not be the correct answer :) Or "I am a good person". Also not right.

I don't mean to be a freak. But I guess I am. Because I cannot NOT do what I was made for. And I can't help talking about Who I was made for. My prayer is that someone reading this blog needs to hear the words I have typed today and give careful consideration to their answers to my two questions. If you are that someone, please let me know. I have a cool booklet that explains the Way much better than I can here. I can get a Bible to you too. My brother's death is teaching me how to live. I am unafraid of sounding like a freak, if it means someone hears the Truth who hasn't before. This blog is posted with prayers for that person, maybe it is you?

***DISCLAIMER: YOU CAN NOT "HEAR" MY HEART AS YOU READ THIS BLOG. NOR CAN I ADDRESS ALL THE THINGS THAT POP INTO YOUR MIND AS YOU PONDER THINGS LIKE, "HOW CAN BRYAN HAVE BEEN A BELIEVER WHEN HE WAS AN ALCOHOLIC?" THESE ARE GOOD QUESTIONS AND THERE ARE BIBLICAL ANSWERS (ROMANS 7). I DO NOT HAVE ALL THE THEOLOGICAL ANSWERS, I ONLY KNOW WHAT GOD GENTLY SHOWED ME AS I BEGGED HIM TO REVEAL HIS HEART AND HIS TRUTH TO ME. YOU CAN DO THE SAME THING, ASK HIM. AND THE BIBLE PROMISES THAT GOD WILL ANSWER YOU. SO GO AHEAD AND ASK HIM ABOUT THE SEEMING INCONSISTENCIES WITH WHAT I AM SAYING AND WHAT YOU KNOW ABOUT RELIGION. GOD DOES HAVE THE ANSWERS. THAT IS CALLED PRAYER--TALKING WITH GOD. HE USUALLY ANSWERS FROM HIS BIBLE. SO READ IT. ***