ME

Last night I hit the mother lode! I found a treasure trove of written artifacts in my brother's own hand. The archived pages, college-ruled notebook paper safely stored in a yellow Pee Chee folder for more than 20 years, were written in my brother's tight, neat handwriting. They are a gift. I love the way he made his "y"s. I am so glad that somehow, Bryan saved these words he penned in High School. I discovered and devoured them today.

Piecing things together, I believe that as a sophomore at EHS, Bryan had Mr. O'Conor for English. One of the regular assignments was to journal or write an impromptu composition. There are more than a dozen. The Pee Chee folder revealed many secrets to me. I did not know that my brother DESPISED our principal. It was very apparent in his very opinionated writings. I had no idea he had views on organ and tissue donation. He spoofed Madonna, quoted Robert Frost, retooled the lyrics from a Beatles song, wrote scathing commentary on closed campus lunchtime, demonized his principal, memorialized my Uncle John. From his own pen, in his own words, he disclosed a few more parts of himself to me. I share one with you today.

Me by BDK

The gusting wind blows through my hair,

But standing there I do not care.

A solitary tear glistens in my eye,

But I swore to myself I would not cry.

So instead of shedding my tears,

I reminisce of the past and present years.

And suddenly I recall all my worst fears,

Of hissing snakes and shaking piers.

I look down through my feet at the cliff descending below,

At the waves rolling in achingly slow.

I think of my mother and of my father,

And I realize now why I had bothered.

I look down again at the hard rocks below,

And realized, it wasn't that bad.

Written in October 1987 when Bryan was a 15 year old sophomore at Escondido High School.

Yesterday, the words written in my very own hand made me cry, "2008 is gonna be great!" Twenty years ago, Bryan composed, condensed his fears, "hissing snakes and shaking piers", in one line of a poem. In the end though, things don't always turn out the way our written words define or describe them. But they are still there, saved on a blogspot and in a Pee Chee folder.