Friday, February 5, 2010

Birthday Blues

Today is Bryan's 38th birthday and I must confess I've been feeling a large dose of the blues coming on all week. February 5th will always be Bryan's birthday and I suspect it will also always be a difficult time for all of us who love him dearly. Victoria and I spoke about our family and birthdays and had a "minor" argument about our views. I stated it wasn't until later in their lives we really went all out for birthdays and when they were young, not so much. She took that as a hit on her and how we handled the kids birthdays, which I think I convinced her, was not my intention. We just didn't do elaborate parties and such and we mostly involved family. Kelly's children, on the other hand, have a totally over the top major production for each and every one of the birthdays and I will give money on the fact they all remember each and every one of them! Were we wrong or is she wrong? Nope, we all do things our own way sometimes, but I know it has always been done in the kids interest, which matters most.

But back to my little Snuss and his birthdays. He loved going up to Big Bear and play in the snow with as many people who wanted to join in on the party. We must have done this 5 or 10 times over the years and they all went great except one. In our pain and anguish over Bryan's death, we tried to keep the memory of those wonderful times alive and decided to go to Big Bear to spread his ashes in the mountains he loved. While it was a noble thought, we were not ready for this just yet. We had gotten two cabins from family friends at a great price and we all set out on our trip. As we approached Big Bear, the weather started to turn and so did some of our moods. We found out the cabins were at two different ends of the mountain and in the pending weather, it would be difficult to travel between the two. In addition, when we walked to the mountain side it was very slippery and it was starting to drizzle with a light snow falling. This made the ash spreading hard to do and Kelly had put together some music and thoughts she wanted to share with all that came. She shared beautifully and I choose to think all of us there that day were moved by what she had to say and how she said it. One moment of humor did arise and I apologize in advance for this might offend some, but as I was throwing Bryan's earthly remains into the wind, I neglected to judge just how strong it was blowing and which direction it was coming from, and promptly covered Victoria in his ashes. I was panic stricken at first, but she was gracious and let me off the hook with a slight laugh at what I had done. Once everyone left from there and went to separate cabins, we did in fact have a good time and learned some great new games, one of which is Farkle, and someday I'll tell you about it! I want to say as I'm writing this, more of the good times we had up there that weekend come to memory, such as the great meal cooked by Beckey and Pete, watching the kids play in the snow and even the scary rides in and out of our cabin, I suddenly realize we did in fact have a good time and we did all get together and celebrate Bryan's birthday in a grand fashion that would have made him proud!

I'm going to end today's blog with this: All of our day's have been numbered by our wonderful Lord and all of us need to start living our lives so we don't waste the very short, precious time we have here among our loved ones and friends. So take advantage of it and let them all know how much they mean to you, but even more importantly, how much they mean to our God. Don't let a moment go or be wasted which can be used to edify and lift one another up as we all live in this same fallen world and are all sinners who need the forgiveness that He along freely gives......


Anonymous said...

I love you all!I only wish I knew what to say.I guess not saying anything is worse!I marvel at the strength you all have shown.It so obviously comes with your never ending FAITH!Peace and Love.....Ingrid

Anonymous said...

hey daddy. thanks for this post and our family celebration of Bryan's birth this weekend. even though that cake was kinda puny--your prayer wasn't. love you! kelster

WARNING! Tissues Required-Video Slideshow of Bryan's Life-Sorry the music was muted!